What if it’s not either/or? What if it’s both/and – a more powerful way to see possibilities and to exist "in continuous creative response to whatever [is] present"—in their love lives, their careers, their definition of self. (Notes from a Beck article)
Set boundaries that correspond to the worst of times.When times are good, establish limits that prepare you to deal with the relationship when times are bad. This is how you'll keep from being blindsided by something that—hello—you've already learned. Make a different choice if need be.
Focus your appreciation on the best of times, without denial. It allows us to access the happiness that's available right now.
Remain calm while you explore your options. That phrase—"right now"— is important. When you're dealing with a dual-emma, focus on being fully present with what's happening in this moment, rather than assuming past bad (or good) behavior predicts future consistency. This means alternating freely between the two previous steps. You don't want to spend your life anticipating your boss's next meltdown; neither do you want to assume that his jovial, charming behavior will last through the week. As you explore the scope of the other person's actions, you'll learn whether you can accept this particular mixed IV drip (of essential fluids and poisons.)
Try seeing your world and yourself this way, eyes open to whatever is before you, mind free of dichotomies. Are you good or bad, fragile or tough, wise or foolish? Yes. And so am I.
Try seeing your world and yourself this way, eyes open to whatever is before you, mind free of dichotomies. Are you good or bad, fragile or tough, wise or foolish? Yes. And so am I.
