Stress reduction article - this and that

http://www.realage.com/the-you-docs/you-staying-young/stress-management?src=edit&chan=tip&con=tip&click=p5b3

when you want something to "not happen"

Triple welcoming..

The mind doesn't translate "never" - so when you are trying to have something not happen again... you could be telling your mind to have it happen again..."

Welcome the thing you don't want. Welcome how personal it may feel. Welcome that which has no history, that needs no protection...



So...  welcome the new state of being, rather than "not having" an old one.

don't try to forgive

"Nothing wrong with forgiveness... it's a natural outcome of letting go, and is independent of what another person does."

a let go

"Could you let go of wanting to be hurt by others? and could you let go of wanting to hurt others?"

"For a moment, can you welcome that that never has hurt anything, which allows for that whole dance, but is completely uninvolved?"

get clear on goals and some sedona releasing.

Kathy and Teppei,

The best way to get clear on your goals is to ask the question: What is my hearts deepest desire about __________? Then write down whatever comes up and keep releasing on each answer. Many will simply drop away as you release. The others will get quieter and clearer. The ones that stay and gain clarity are your true goals.
Love,
Hale

Trying - what is my heart's deepest desire about healing relationships in which I have been needy?

To be loved. (Shame). Is that feeling from wanting approval, control, security, separation/oneness? (Approval, oneness, security). Pick 1. (Security). Can you let go of wanting to be safe, even a little? Wanting is not the same as being safe. (Yes.) Can you let go a bit more? (Yes.) Can you let go the rest of the way? (Yes.)

Another wave of shame. (Approval.) Can you let go of the wanting of approval? A bit. (Yes.) Would you? (Yes.) When? (Now.)

Wave of sadness associated with shame about wanting to be loved. (Approval, separation AND oneness). Pick 1. Separation. Can you let go of wanting to be separate, since it doesn't give you what you want (to be loved) anyway? (Yes). More? Yes.

Can you explain this using the blah exercise?

Sure. Blah Blah Blah Blah-blah blah blah. Blah blah blahblahblah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blahber. Blah blah blahblah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blahblah blahblahblah blah blabbing. Ahhhh.

I forgot what I was doing. I think it worked!

3 Ps

"If you want to change your explanatory style, start by evaluating where you fall on the spectrum from pessimism to optimism. Researchers do this by analyzing the way people use the "three Ps" (personal, permanent, and pervasive elements) in their descriptions of past events."   Beck. 


http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Martha-Beck-How-to-Think-Your-Way-Free/

The learned optimism model begins with the Ellis' ABC model of adversity, belief, and consequence. Adversity is the event that happens, belief is how that adversity is interpreted, and consequences are the feelings and actions that result from the beliefs. This is demonstrated in the example below:

• Adversity: Someone cuts you off in traffic.
• Belief: You think, “I can’t believe that idiot was so rude and selfish!”
• Consequence: You are overcome with anger, yelling profanity at the other driver.

In the journey to learning optimism, one must first understand one's natural reaction to and interpretation of adversity. In order to do so, learners are asked to keep a journal, for two days, of small adverse events and the beliefs and consequences that followed.

Next the learner simply returns to the journal to highlight pessimism (e.g. pervasiveness: "it doomed me...") in their written descriptions of the events.

Seligman adds to the ABC model, making his model ABCDE. D stands for disputation, which centers around providing counter-evidence to any of the following: the negative beliefs in general, the causes of the event, or the implications.

D also means reminding oneself of any potential usefulness of moving on from the adversity. Disputation for the above traffic example might sound like this: “I am overreacting. I don’t know what situation he is in. Maybe he is on his way to his daughter’s piano recital and is running late. I’m sure I have cut people off before without meaning to, so I should really cut him a break. I am not in a hurry anyway.”

Over time, responses like this can change feelings to be more hopeful and positive.

exercises to fall in love with your own life.

Breakthrough exercises

1

Honor yourself  sentence stems to end 7 different ways for 28 days - go back 2 hours/days/years for the endings.

a) Kathy, I’m proud that you ___(7 dif answers at least)

2

cut shackles to shame, blame, guilt and regret.

b) Kathy, I forgive you for ___ (7 dif answers)

3
Show up for self.  (declaration)

c) Kathy, I commit to you that __ (7 dif answers)

4
Expose the lies 7 days
(7-10 pieces of paper - black pen - each lie in the category, then go back and fill in truths in red pen)

write down the lie (not good enough, etc, in one category at a time)

Skip 4 lines after each lie in each category, but let it run out.
 

categories

a)   health and wellness
b) finance and business
c) relationship, love and familia
d) spirituality and faith

will feel crappy… once you’ve exposed the lies. Now get the red pen and write the truth. Remember - you know there's a truth as you chose that statement - as a lie. Write the truth even if you don’t want to believe it.

Then read the lie/truth for 7 days
On the 7^th days erase/line out the lies.

5

Write yourself a love letter. What I love most about you… admire you for… thank you for being…. I honor you…