job: create moments of joy

  ... for more control over your emotional brain so you can take charge of your emotions more easily.

The method is based on sensing which of the five universal emotional brain states you are functioning in at any particular time and using a tool to either maintain your current brain state or move yourself into a better one. The brain states range from Brain State 1, feeling joyful and content, to Brain State 5, feeling overwhelmed, confused, lost and hungry! In Brain State 1, you are in spirit, and in Brain State 5, you're in survival mode—all about ego. You'll do whatever it takes to get what you want when you want it—without regard to others. The tools give you the power to switch your brain back to Brain State 1—regardless of your current circumstances—as easily and quickly as possible.

Each time you use these tools, you weaken the wires that promote stress and strengthen those that bring joy. The goal is to rewire your brain from stress to joy, to take your emotional life into your own hands! Once you master this, you can become your own beacon of light, with your joy finding its way into the wiring not only of people you know, but also those you don't know. It will even affect the brains of those who have yet to be born.

So when I get up in the morning, I remind myself that my job is to create more moments of joy in my day, and you should too! Make it your goal to lighten your emotional footprint on the planet and spread joy. Help others get to Brain State 1, and you can begin to create a world at 1.

Laurel Mellin  Wired for Joy.

storying (from Hootless)

Mutuality - any communication of a story must be balanced. So, if the listener is happy for the teller to tell the story then that is ok. If the listener is not happy to listen then the teller must understand that and maybe not continue as long.

If there is 'Space Created' to tell the story (provided by a listener) it can lead to more emotions coming up to release on.

'Discriminate' – If the story is harming you, you dislike it or, it is draining your energy in any way (or feels that way). Get out of the situation if necessary or release on it of course. If it is positive then let it continue and keep listening if comfortable with it.

Look at the 'Underlying Wants' if you want to exit a situation, or stay and welcome whatever comes up etc etc

Be 'Authentic' and 'Speak Your Own Truth'- If a story is becoming uncomfortable then be honest and say this. Don't say you are cool to listen for hours if you don't want to. Remember mutuality!

If someone in your life is venting and telling the same story continually on more than one occasion and thus stuck there ... and the feeling is not one of mutuality ... and/or draining you -  then limit the time you will listen, tell them you cannot listen for hours, but if they would like some help to release the story, you will assist.  If they do not want assistance and just to tell the story then [you can] leave the conversation or communication.

21 days of paying attention

I am working on releasing my fear of being who I am and also on being more present with others. This is an "integrity penny game" opportunity.

six seconds

These three exercises from Six Seconds, a California-based international nonprofit organization that offers training in emotional and social intelligence, are designed to develop a core of competence—and an earned sense of confidence.

Feelings Quilt:One of the keys to making good decisions is developing emotional literacy—that is, tuning in to your own reactions and noticing that you may have many feelings at once. Take a small piece of paper, fold it twice (you'll make four squares), and unfold it. Think of a big moment that happened yesterday. In one of the squares, enter a symbol or design showing how you felt. What else did you feel? Write it in another square. Repeat for the last two squares. Now that you can see the range of emotions you had, which one got the most attention? Was it the most useful one to focus on? Did you ignore some of them?

Integrity Pennies:Learning to manage your reactions more carefully is crucial to self-mastery. First thing in the morning, put 10 pennies in your left pocket. Each time you say or do something other than what you genuinely intended (maybe you softened a response too much or were harsher than you meant to be), transfer one penny to your right pocket. Keep practicing to reduce the number of right-pocket pennies.

The Silent-Movie Game:This exercise helps you use the power of your feelings for the greater good. With a friend at lunch, on the bus, or in an airport, pick a few people and guess what's going on inside their minds. Then compare notes on what you glean the subjects are thinking, feeling, and doing, and what each most needs now from a supportive ally or friend.

 http://www.6seconds.org/tools/resources/ resources!

reminder - when the thoughts thunder loud and scary

All war belongs on paper - here's how to go to battle: You write down each and every stressful thought, and then ask yourself four questions about it.

Is it true?

  (don't know for usre, sure feels that way)

Can I absolutely know it's true?
   (not at present, maybe never)
How do I react when I believe this thought?

  (pain and anger and resentment and fear. eww.)


Who would I be without the thought?
   (fun, creative, joyful)

Afterward, when you have completely wrestled the thought to the ground, you replace it with a "turnaround"—an opposite thought, one that is "as true or truer" and that doesn't cause you suffering.

(As true - that I am already lovable as I am, and that the love I seek is inside)

(Byron Katie)

what I do for love... (Queens)

What I Do For Love

•  I can't remember!
• Pet my horse.
• Please. (as if)
• Nap.
• Listen to music.
• Dance.
• Write.

depression rag

Some waysto set up some depression help is to give yourself small tasks to accomplish.
Provide realistic goals that you can easily do.
Talk things over with a family member or friend that you can trust to give unbiased advice and encouragement.
Engage in some normal activities like going to the movies, seeing a sports game or even participate in social activities that you feel comfortable with.
You need to understand that it takes time for the depression treatment to work. 
Ask for help and encouragement to stick with the efforts you have begun from family and friends.
 Depression help also means seeing that medication is taken when it should be and also in the right amount.
Find a way to talk about things that are worrying you.

scared of scarcity? wallow

The way to get around [anxiety about lack]... is to increase our awareness of abundance. If you embark ... in a mind-set emphasizing lack, you'll create a scarcity response.... The best way to [deal with] this is to dive into an overcrowded area [of your life] and wallow for a while. (Beck)

If it comes up again...

About thoughts - "If is comes up again, so what? It's just a thought... it belongs to you as much as the (perception) of that tree out there."  Sedona Living Love Class (2010, recording 10)

Thumbprint

Each of us is born with a propensity to have fun doing certain types of activities, in certain proportions—you may love doing something I hate and vice versa. I call the pattern of activities you most enjoy your "funprint," and like your thumbprint it's unique. It seems obvious to me (and research backs me up) that we are most productive, persistent, creative, and flexible when we're engaged in precisely the combination of activities that brings us maximum fun. Your funprint isn't a frivolous indulgence. It is the map of your true life, an instruction manual for your essential purpose, written in the language of joy. Learning to read and respond to it is one of the most crucial things you'll ever do.

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/oprahs-lifeclass/Why-You-Need-More-Fun-in-Your-Life-Martha-Beck#ixzz1biHnSYIW

pema chadron bit

"There's another story that you may have read that has to do with what we call heaven and hell, life and death, good and bad. It's a story about how those things don't really exist except as a creation of our own minds
.
It goes like this: A big burly samurai comes to the wise man and says, "Tell me the nature of heaven and hell." And the roshi looks him in the face and says: "why should I tell a scruffy disgusting, miserable slob like you?" The samurai starts to get purple in the face,... consumed by rage, the samurai draws his sword, and he's just about to cut off the head of the roshi.

Then the roshi says "That's hell." The samurai, who is in fact a sensitive person, instantly gets it, that he just created his own hell; he was deep in hell. It was black and hot, filled with hatred, self-protection, anger and resentment, so much so that he was going to kill this man. Tears fill his eyes and he starts to cry and he puts his palms together and the roshi says "That's heaven."

... Hell is just resistance to life. When you want to say no to the situation you are in, it's fine to say no, but when you build up a big case to point where you're so convinced that you would draw your sword and cut off someone's head, that kind of resistance to life is hell."

From Wisdom of No Escape (Chapter 7- Taking a Bigger Perspective)

anxiety control - breathing

When you are anxious, you tend to breathe shallowly, using your upper chest muscles. ... Controlled breathing is a technique that you can use to counteract this stress response and induce a state of calm within 3 to 5 minutes.

Use the following steps:

• Lie on your back, placing one hand over your heart and the other on your abdomen.
• Inhale slowly and deeply through your nose for a count of 4.
• Watch the hand on your abdomen rise as you fill your lungs with air, expanding your chest. (The hand over your heart should barely move, if at all.)
• Hold your breath for a count of 4.
• Exhale slowly through the mouth or nose for a count of 4.
• Repeat for 10 full breaths. Work up to 2 or 3 sets of 10 breaths each.

Note:

• Stop if you feel faint or dizzy.
• Concentrate while inhaling on filling the lower portion of the lungs.

from Real Age

questions

What would you like your theme to be? living, loving, creativity
What are you longing for? What gets in your way?  connection - fear of my own anxiety and want to control to feel safe.
What do YOU want? What do you REALLY want? connection. LOVE!
What’s one little thing that could make a really BIG difference in your life? penny game for reactions.

hakomi tidbit excerprts

by Adama Hamilton (Ron Kurtz Hakomi Instititute)

Often stress results in a narrowing and activation of old patterns of behavior ... learned as a child or young person and not necessarily helpful to a mature adult friendship or loving relationship.... When we nurture and care for our inner child first or when it is hurting, our interactions with others take on a completely different shape and form....When we do not let go and move forward we can become “stuck” and instead of expanding we contract... it becomes very difficult to live the life that we may have dreamed of having... One of our main focuses is assisting in the letting go of unnecessary suffering, and becoming more connected to higher sources of wisdom and knowing.

30/20

30 years of things I wanna do

Ride horses again	Get 5-10 acres	Solar water	B	Dancing again
Play guitar again	Write poems	Lose wt to feel better	Feel well	Adventures
Travel a little	Love	Be lovable	Peace	Sing
Poems	Rocks	Camp	Work	Volunteer
Be happy w/ what is	Hawaii	Be involved	Barter	art

20 questions

What questions should I be asking myself Why am I in this place?	What is my body telling me?
Is this what I want to be doing it’s not enough?	Drop and add something every day? today – drop resistance add play
Why worry It’s a silly habit	What’s so funny? It’s all funny
Why do I like cupcakes more than I like ___ Being alone is less scary	Where am I wrong? Assumptions aboaut others
What potential long term memories am I bartering and is the profit worth the price?
How do I want the world to be different because I was here? Someone felt valued and free	Greatest shame fear? I am not lovable
How do I want to be different because I lived in this world At pleace	What do I love to practice? Creative stuff
Are __ better people? Nope.	Where could I work less and achieve more? People
Where should I break the rules? relationships	Now what? Tell a more positive and grateful story? I done good. Now go share
Is this what I want to be doing? – changes coming

momming me

I find the funny in the situation, I think of what I’m grateful for, or I think of how best I can mother myself in that moment.

bright spotting - 90 seconds to reset the baseline

You can feel the power of the strengths perspective if you're trying to drop a bad habit like smoking or eating entire pots of fondue cheese. Right now, think of times when you've indulged this habit. Berate yourself for being weak and wrong. Notice: In that mind-set, do you feel less like repeating your bad habit, or more? Now focus on bright spots—times when you did something right. You resisted a craving, ate well, worked out, whatever. List five of these bright spots, no matter how small:

1.___________________
2.___________________
3.___________________
4.___________________
5.___________________

While focusing on your successes, do you feel more or less able to resist your bad habit? If you don't feel more empowered, list five more bright spots. Your negativity bias will fight back .... but if you stubbornly persist until you begin to feel gladness, you'll get stronger.

...
  Jill Bolte Taylor, PhD, a neuroscientist who rebuilt her brain after suffering a stroke describes approaching emotional suffering with the so-called 90-second rule.

Physiologically, Taylor says, it takes only 90 seconds of feeling the emotion caused by a negative event before the body finishes processing its stress hormones and returns to its baseline setting. "Unless you rerun that loop by rethinking the thoughts that restimulate the emotion that restimulates the physiological response," Taylor has explained, "the uncomfortable feelings will go away."

from the 90 second article on line

raise good (hdl) cholesterol

walnuts, almonds, peanuts, pistachios, pecans, peanuts, and hazelnuts
watty fish like salmon, mackerel, albacore tuna, and halibut
olive oil
avocados
oatmeal

list found on sparkpeople.com

parts negotiation

Identify the parts of yourself involved in an issue, determine what they want -really want - and find a way to provide that.

one minute things to do

A list of practices that could literally add years to your life, and each one can be done in 60 seconds or less.

Get up every hour. Take a minute-long walk at least once an hour. Every step counts toward the 10,000 you should be taking every day.
Eat an egg.
Take chromium.
Don't forget to floss.
Check your pulse. If your heart rate is high, consider adding more omega-3 fatty acids to your diet.
Do self-massage. Stress damages every organ in your body. For quick relief, press your thumbs against the sides of your nose just below your browbone; then walk your index and middle fingers across your brows and finish by lightly rubbing your temples. Massage prompts a drop in cortisol and adrenaline and a surge in feel-good endorphins.

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/health/Live-Longer-How-to-Add-Years-to-Your-Life#ixzz1SBJVf3Kf